We all have our weaknesses. At least one. That one thing that if it’s in front of you, it’s hard to resist temptation. Some of us have more than one weakness. And for some of us, that weakness is food related. Okay, probably most of us have at least 1 food weakness. For me, it is donuts and milk shakes. Of course, I love other junk food things, pastries, candies, and such but donuts and milk shakes are my kryptonite.
So, since I’ve started on this journey of the low carb health plan, I’ve rarely had any cheat days/meals. I had a couple birthdays and such this past month in which I allowed myself to eat out and eat something sweet. At work, we even had a couple instances when someone brought in a treat such as cake and cookies, and I politely declined. However, on Wednesday, someone brought in donuts for breakfast. Donuts. How dare they. Don’t they know I love donuts and can’t eat them?!
The person responsible for them put them in our kitchen/break room. After a little while I needed to go make my second cup of coffee. So, I wondered into the kitchen, ever so carefully, so as to not startle the donuts. I started my cup of coffee in the Keurig, and just barely above a whisper I heard “Hey there”. I slowly turn around to the donuts sitting on the table. Of course, they didn’t actually speak to me, but I could almost hear them calling to me. Softly at first. Just to let me know they were there. Don’t you worry donuts, I see you. I see you.
I take my coffee and run back to my desk. Phew, dodged that bullet, I thought. I got this. I can do this. I will not allow these donuts to ruin my low carb plan! So naive.
As I continued to work, I kept thinking about the donuts. I know. You’re thinking this girl is crazy! They weren’t even my favorite kind of donuts. (Chocolate Covered with Sprinkles in case you were curious.) But a donut is still a donut. And once more, I was drawn into the kitchen. I thought to myself, one small sliver of the donut won’t hurt. I just won’t eat my daily alloted amount of peanuts today. That’ll help! So I open the box, carefully of course, and oh the smell. That wonderful smell wafted slowly to my nose as I breathed in deep. Okay, yeah, one small sliver. So I cut a small sliver of one donut, and it was the most heavenly 2 bites. So creamy and soft, still slightly warm. Okay, okay, that’s enough. That’s all you get. I closed the box, heated up my lunch, and went back to my desk. Yes, see, meat and veggies, yum so good, who needs you leftover donut!
About an hour goes by and those donuts start calling my name again. I can hear them. Rustling in the kitchen. Just a few feet away from where I sat. Calling to me like they knew. They knew how delicious they were and how much I wanted them. All of them. They taunted me, teased me. I felt as though I had the classic scene of a devil and an angel on my shoulders. Except they were both in the form of a donut. Dammit Angel, you’re supposed to be on my side! Sigh. So I thought to myself, one more small sliver won’t hurt. I’ll just eat a smaller dinner to cut out the extra carbs. Once again, I slowly creep into the kitchen and open the box. I quietly cut off another small piece and once again, enjoy my additional 2 bites. Dear god, why are these so good.
I thought it would be enough. I thought those few bites would be enough to satisfy my craving. But all I could think about was the other portion of the donut I had been slowly cutting away at. I finally broke down and called in reinforcements by telling my friend about these unfortunate, tasty morsels so he could hold me accountable if I ate it. I thought it would be enough to stop me. I kept diverting my attention back to my work, turned my music up louder, talked back and forth with my friend. Anything to keep me from thinking about the donuts. It. Was. Torture.
I typically leave work at 4pm. It was 3:15, and I had talked myself into going back into the kitchen for one thing or another. My subconscious/fat kid side would do anything to draw me back in there to have one more look at them. To dream about them some more. I go into the kitchen, keep my back to the table and fill my water bottle. And there it is. I turn to look at both shoulders, and both my devil and angel are eating donuts, whispering it’s okay. It’s okay to have another nibble. I turn around and there they are, just sitting there, looking very calm and innocent. Like they hadn’t been torturing me all day. Look at you, you glorious, delicious bastards.
I opened the box and devoured the rest of that donut.
I had been tortured all day from a donut. A stupid donut! I, of course, felt guilty because it would mess up my ketosis state and I would essentially be starting over the next day, but there was that other, deep seeded gluttonous side of me that was quite satisfied with herself. I hated her at that moment.
What was done, was done and there was no going back. All I could do was own up to what I had done. And accept it and move on. I think the important thing for me to have learned from this is that it is okay to have those cheats. Because if not, I will go crazy in instances like today. Not only that, my will power is still a work in progress. And I have to look at all the progress I have made and how far I have come and appreciate that. I still have such a long way to go, but dammit that donut was so delicious.